Heavily Broken
by ZebbieCullen
Summary: Spoilers and episode tag for 'We are Robin Hood'. Robin slowly starts to break. One shot. RobinMarian.


_A/N: The last episode was so sad! I seriously cannot believe it actually happened! I know it's only been a few hours, but I can't wait to find out what happens, so I wrote this. The BBC owns everything except the mistakes, which are mine. The lyrics and from Heavily Broken by The Veronicas. Enjoy, and please let me know what you think!_

Robin of Locksley lay on his bed, unconsciously playing with the wooden tag around his neck, staring into space. His crystal blue eyes that were usually so full of life were dull and devoid of their usual spark. He hadn't shaved recently and his hair was long past due needing a cut, hanging over his dismal blue orbs in golden brown locks. He had lost weight, only eating when he was forced to by Much or Little John or Allan, and even then he never ate more than a few bites of whatever it was he had been given. Not that he cared. He just sat on his bed all day, waiting for the sun to set and then rise again. Waiting for the day he'd see _her_ again.

His wife. His Marian.

Waiting for the day that he would once again be able to hold her beautiful body in his strong arms again. Waiting for the day that he would be able to hear her soft voice again, telling him to stop being so childish. Waiting for the day he would once again be able to capture her lips with his in a searing kiss full of the love they had shared – the love they _still_ shared. A burning fire that could never be put out, despite the Sheriff or Sir Guy's attempts to extinguish it.

_Everyday I sit here waiting  
Everyday just seems so long  
And now I've had enough of all the hating  
Do we even care, it's so unfair  
Any day it'll all be over  
Everyday there's nothing new  
And now I just try to find some hope  
To try and hold onto  
But it starts again  
It'll never end_

Much, Little John and Allan stood out of his view, silently watching their broken leader.

Allan tried to squash down the deep feeling of guilt that kept rising inside him, but ever time he looked at Robin it came right back with vengeance. He admired Robin and loved him like the brother he no longer had. He felt responsible for the loss of Marian. He knew that his relationship with Robin would never be the same after the whole thing with Gisborne and his betrayal, but he prayed that he would be forgiven. He knew he should have fought harder to protect Marian, to keep her safe from harm. But he didn't.

Much was angry – angry that his master – that his best friend – was in such obvious pain. He was angry with himself for not being able to ease his suffering. He was angry with Robin for not moving on. He instantly thought of Djaq, but this was a pain she could not cure. Besides, she was no longer with them. She was back home – her home – with the man she loved. Will. It just went to show that something good could always come out of something devastating. Will and Djaq were good for each other and he was happy for them, but they were greatly missed. He didn't think it was possible to miss two people that barely ever said anything, but Much knew that Robin would feel better if they were near.

Little John sighed and rested his head on the top of his staff. He tried to put himself in Robin's position, imagining that it was Alice that had been killed. His heart ached just from the mere thought of it – he couldn't even begin to think of what his friend must be going through.

They all wanted the old Robin back. The one that would make childish remarks and enjoyed every precious moment of life. The one that taught them to never give up, no matter what happened. The one that they needed for guidance and support. But when Marian died and left this life, she took a part of Robin with her, a part that they would never get back.

_I'm heavily broken  
And I don't know what to do  
Can't you see that I'm choking  
And I can't even move  
When there's nothing left to say  
What can you do  
I'm heavily broken  
And there's nothing I can do_

It had been three weeks since her passing. Three weeks since Robin last had a proper conversation with any of them. By the fourth week, Much had had enough. Allan said that he just needed his space to grieve and that he would let them in when he was ready. Little John didn't know when Allan had become so deep, but he agreed with him as long as Robin kept eating. However, he was beginning to think he should pin him down and force-feed him.

They wished that they could do something – anything – to help him. The Gang had fallen apart and each of them would do anything to have their former lives back. But the thought of what Marian had sacrificed herself for made them feel proud. Proud that they had known her. Proud to call her friend. Proud that she had been a part of their lives and had accepted them.

Much put a helping of stew that contained lots of herb and vegetables for nutrition into a wooden bowl that Will had made. He silently made his way over to Robin's bed and sat down next to him, extending the food towards him. "Master? You need to eat something."

Robin looked at the food with unfocussed eyes. Much let out a small smile. "Don't worry, it's not squirrel."

The outlaw shook his head, ignoring Much as he tried to persuade him. She haunted his dreams at night and his mind during the day. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her, smiling down on him. Marian didn't deserve to die. She had been the kindest woman he had ever had the great pleasure of knowing. He took small comfort from the fact that she was now with her mother and father, and knew that she would always be protecting him.

Gisborne and the Sheriff didn't bare thinking about. They had both disappeared. He would hunt and kill them when the time was right.

"She would want you to move on," said Much quietly, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Robin waited several moments before burying his face in his hands and mumbling softly the words, "I can't."

_Almost giving up on trying  
Almost heading for a fall  
And now my mind is screaming out  
I've gotta keep on fighting  
But then again  
It doesn't end_

"He's right," Little John said, Allan nodding by his side. "She wouldn't want this for you."

He felt the all too familiar sting of tears behind his eyes. "How can I just forget about her? Act as if nothing has happened? What would she think if I did that?"

Allan wasn't sure where he stood with Robin or what he thought of him, but he spoke up. "Remember when Tom was hanged?" he asked, thinking of his brother. When Robin didn't do or say anything, he carried on. "After he died, Djaq said something to me. She said that…Tom will never truly leave me, and that he'll always be in here," he tapped his chest, over his heart. "And with me where ever I go."

Little John nodded. "He's right. Marian will always be by your side as long as you want her to be and as long as you let her be. We all know her spirit will live on in each of us."

"She won't be forgotten," Much promised.

Robin let the words sink in and found a small comfort in them. He'd see her again, of that he was sure. He just didn't know how long he could wait. There were so many things he had never told her.

"She knows you love her," said Allan, as if picking up on his thoughts.

Robin had wanted to raise a family with her. He had everything planned. A boy first, with his eyes and hair and her brains. Then a baby girl, the spitting image of her mother with her wild hair and soft, gentle eyes and giving personality. But as Marian went to Heaven, his plans went to Hell.

"Look around, Robin," said Much, waving his arm.

"At what?" his tone was emotionless.

"At the trees, at the leaves, at the houses, at the people. At _England!_" Much got up and waked around, mentally planning his next words.

_I'm heavily broken  
And I don't know what to do  
Can't you see that I'm choking  
And I can't even move  
When there's nothing left to say  
What can you do?  
I'm heavily broken  
And there's nothing I can do  
And there's nothing I can do_

Allan nodded, his electric blue eyes twinkling in the light. "He's right. Marian died protecting this country. She died keeping it safe. So that you could enjoy it and live in freedom. Don't let her death be in vain. Do what you know would make her happy."

Robin sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He knew that what his friends were saying was true, but he just couldn't bring himself to let go of her. He loved her with everything he had and needed her in his life. Without her, he was nothing. He always thought he'd be the one to die saving the country; he'd never felt this lost before.

His heart would forever remain broken, but with his friends – with his brothers – by his side, he would learn to accept her death the way she would have wanted.

---

She smiled sadly and fingered the ring on her left hand. She hated seeing him in pain and not being able to reach out and touch him. She hated to see him suffering and knowing that she was the cause of it and she hated herself for leaving him the way she did. She had done what was necessary to keep him and everyone else she loved safe. She had waited so long to get married, but she finally had and would never forget her first and last wedded kiss.

She would be waiting for him. However long it took, they would see each other again. They would be together.


End file.
